Legalism and Shame

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 4:14

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, I’ve walked through many seasons of life, some full of joy and others full of pain. In every season, God’s grace has been my foundation. I became a Christian in the late 1970s, and since then, I’ve had the privilege of serving alongside my husband, Rick, in various churches. Rick has pastored and led the music in several churches for over 40 years, and during that time, we’ve experienced incredible highs and lows. We've shared life with some of the most loving people we've ever met. Yet, we’ve also encountered people whose hearts were hardened by legalism, people who wounded others in the name of righteousness.

The Church can be a paradox, full of grace, love, and forgiveness, but also judgment, pain, and hypocrisy. It’s a community of imperfect people trying to live out the gospel, often failing, sometimes spectacularly. I am one of those imperfect people. This is not a condemnation of God’s Church or His people; I love the Church. But I hope my words are a lifeline for those who have been hurt by legalism, those who feel crushed under its weight.

I know how painful it is to live with legalistic shame. But I also know that leaving legalism behind is an important step toward embracing the freedom that comes from God’s grace.

Legalism, at its core, is the antithesis of grace. It is a system built on judgment and self-righteousness, convincing us that we must earn our way into God’s favor and that our worth is tied to our ability to obey the law. It tells us that grace isn’t enough, that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross was insufficient, and that we must add to it through our efforts. But that’s a lie. Grace, by its very definition, is undeserved favor. It’s God’s gift to us through Jesus, a gift we could never earn and don’t have to. Jesus paid it all— no amount of striving or good behavior can add to what He’s already done.

Legalism enslaves, while grace sets us free.

One of the greatest tragedies of legalism is that it warps our understanding of God’s love. Instead of seeing God as a loving Father who delights in His children, we begin to see Him as a distant judge, ready to punish us for every misstep. But the truth is, God’s love is unconditional. His grace isn’t a reward for our good behavior; it’s a gift He freely gives. And that gift doesn’t just save us from our sins; it transforms us.

When we understand grace, we no longer live under the pressure to be perfect. We live in the freedom to love God and others with a heart full of gratitude.

Replace the lies of legalism with the truth of the gospel. You can heal from the wounds inflicted by shame, guilt, and fear and embrace the freedom that comes from knowing you are fully loved and accepted by God, just as you are.

Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean you abandon the desire to please God. Instead, it means you pursue it from a place of security in God’s love, not from a place of fear or obligation. You want to obey God, not to earn His love, but from a heart full of gratitude because you already have it. This does not mean sin has no earthly consequences. Sin is to be resisted, but we will often fail in doing so. Your walk with Christ becomes less about performing for His approval and more about growing in a relationship with Him.

The war between grace and legalism often rages within our minds as much as in the churches we attend. The voices of shame and condemnation are persistent and hard to silence. But the voice of grace is mighty. It speaks the truth that you are enough because Jesus is enough. There is no shame for you, Christian. Jesus took that from you at the cross—leave it there.

The gospel of grace reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to your performance but is secured in Christ.

Growth and spiritual maturity happen, but those come through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives and not through condemnation from pious people.

While shame can lead us to repentance, it doesn’t need to be dished out by other believers. When we feel shame from sin against God or someone else, our conscience nudges us toward repentance. But we don’t need to bear the burden of guilt for our sins that Jesus forgives, which are all of them. God no longer even sees our sins because He chooses to look away from them and instead looks to His Son—the perfect sacrifice on our behalf.

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:14

Your friend,