Avoiding a Culture of Shame

Have you felt the weight of shame? Legalistic shame, in particular? I sure have. Law-loving Christians try to shame other Christians into being “better, cleaner” people. Growth and spiritual maturity happen, but those come through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives and not through condemnation from pious people.

While shame can lead us to repentance, it doesn’t need to be dished out by other believers. When we feel shame from sin against God or someone else, our conscience nudges us toward repentance. But we don’t need to bear the burden of guilt for our sins that Jesus forgives, which are all of them. God no longer even sees our sins because He chooses to look away from them and instead looks to His Son—the perfect sacrifice on our behalf.

Grace is undeserved kindness and favor extended to us from God despite our inability to contribute to our salvation. Legalism is the opposite of grace. In God’s economy, sin came along with debt. Our sin means we owe a debt to God, but we cannot pay it. In God’s mercy and grace, He sent Jesus to pay the debt we owe for our sins. Legalism and striving to live up to the law are the opposite of this gift of grace. Legalism is judgmental and demands payment for sin through our efforts and righteousness. This is self-salvation.

Legalistic Christians live as though pointing out moral failings and course-correcting other people is their job. It isn’t. Pointing out what you feel is a sin in someone else’s life will likely do more harm than good. Shaming someone under the guise of being helpful is, frankly, crappy behavior. The legalistic lie that we need to be better Christians is often preached in church, and sadly, many people believe it.

God alone is good, and we need the Savior.

I’m not justifying sin, but I’m also not justifying legalistic, judgmental behavior meant to shame someone into submission and better morals. Why shame someone for what you feel they’re doing wrong? It’s to make you feel better about yourself and your shitty theology. The culture of legalistic shame is disgusting, offensive, and so hurtful to the family of God. While we learn lessons and mature in this life, it doesn’t mean God will use you as a teacher. Law lovers take their false gospel as a mandate to correct others, even when they know nothing of a situation. People are dealing with trauma, healing, trust issues, family division, sin against them, heartbreaking conversations, coping with mental illness, the earthly results of their sins, and adding legalistic shame on top of that is cruel.

The legalistic bar of moral standards is always shifting, and you’ll never clear it because the standard is Jesus. No one else but God knows the thoughts and intents of the heart. So, judging someone for what you feel you see is unwise. It’s like looking through a keyhole, believing you see the entire room—you don’t.

The blinding log in your eye is a weighty one, isn’t it?

Stop the comparison, judgment, and full-throated legalistic shame that doesn’t lead others to freedom in Christ but only leads to oppression.

Grace is triggering to a legalist because they are intimidated by another Christian’s security and freedom in Christ, and they are underwhelmed with Jesus. They cling to their pride and would rather depend on their perceived goodness and commandment-following attempts than on Jesus’s sacrifice. But God’s example of grace shows us how we are to extend grace to others. Be kind, generous, and loving towards others. These facets of the gospel are not only attractive to non-believers but are necessary for Christians to hear daily. It keeps our focus on Jesus and helps deter us from our pathetic attempts at self-salvation.

Don’t shame someone to help them clean up their life.

Jesus paid it all—the entire payment God demands. For us! If we genuinely believe that, we can begin to act like it.

Your friend,